Love styles
A love style is a way of giving and receiving care. Some people feel most loved when they hear it, some when they get someone's full attention, some when a partner pitches in, some through a small gift and some through a hug. Most people value all five to some degree, with one or two standing out.
Misunderstandings often come from two people using different styles: one shows care by fixing the leaky tap, the other is waiting to hear "I love you". Knowing each other's main style makes it easier to give care in a way that lands.
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Kind words
Feeling cared for through what people say: thanks, praise, encouragement and "I love you".
- Toward the high end
- Words matter a lot to people here. Hearing that they are appreciated stays with them, and they often show care by saying it out loud.
- Around the middle
- Kind words mean something to people here, alongside other ways of showing care.
- Toward the low end
- Words alone are not what makes people here feel most cared for. They may trust what others do more than what they say.
Time together
Feeling cared for through undivided attention and time spent together.
- Toward the high end
- Time together matters a lot to people here. Attention without distractions is one of the clearest signs of care to them.
- Around the middle
- Time together means something to people here, alongside other ways of showing care.
- Toward the low end
- Lots of time together is not what makes people here feel most cared for. Quality tends to matter more to them than hours.
Practical help
Feeling cared for when people help out: a chore done, a problem fixed, a load shared.
- Toward the high end
- Practical help matters a lot to people here. When someone takes a task off their plate, it feels like care in action.
- Around the middle
- Practical help means something to people here, alongside other ways of showing care.
- Toward the low end
- Help with tasks is not what makes people here feel most cared for. They may prefer to handle things themselves.
Thoughtful gifts
Feeling cared for through gifts and small tokens that show someone was thinking of you.
- Toward the high end
- Thoughtful gifts matter a lot to people here. It's less about the price and more about the thought: proof that someone remembered them.
- Around the middle
- Thoughtful gifts mean something to people here, alongside other ways of showing care.
- Toward the low end
- Gifts are not what makes people here feel most cared for. Other signs of care speak to them more.
Physical affection
Feeling cared for through hugs, holding hands and other warm, physical closeness.
- Toward the high end
- Physical affection matters a lot to people here. A hug or a hand on the shoulder can say more to them than words.
- Around the middle
- Physical affection means something to people here, alongside other ways of showing care.
- Toward the low end
- Physical affection is not what makes people here feel most cared for. They may prefer other ways of feeling close.
How scoring works
Each statement has five response choices. A response contributes from 1 to 5 points to the scale it belongs to, and the points become a position from 0 to 100. Around 0–33 is the low third, 34–66 is around the middle and 67–100 is the high third.
For the love style result, the highest position is the closest match. A scale within 10 points of the highest can also appear as close behind, because a questionnaire cannot turn a mix of traits into one perfect box.
The benefits of knowing your love style
Knowing your own main style helps you say what you need. Knowing a partner's, friend's or family member's helps you show care in the way they notice most.
It can also explain why effort sometimes goes unseen. Care given in a style the other person doesn't value much can still be appreciated once you both know what it means.
Love styles in everyday life
Love styles are easy to bring into daily life: a note on the fridge, a dinner with the phones put away, taking a chore off someone's list, a small thing picked up on the way home, a hand held on a walk. Small, regular gestures in someone's main style often matter more than big occasional ones.
Styles apply beyond couples, too. Friends, parents and children all have ways they most like to give and receive care.
How to take the test
MindScale's love style test has 35 statements and no time limit. Choose the response that best matches how you usually are, not how you would like to be.
You can go back and change an answer. When you finish, you can unlock your score and full report: $2.95 for 7 days of full access, then $29.95 every 4 weeks until you cancel.
Your score and full report: $2.95 for 7 days of full access, then $29.95 every 4 weeks until you cancel.
Conclusion
The five love styles are kind words, time together, practical help, thoughtful gifts and physical affection. Most people value all of them, with one or two that matter most.
If you'd like to find your main one, the MindScale love style test has 35 statements and scores all five styles. The price is shown before you start.
See your own result
Your score and full report: $2.95 for 7 days of full access, then $29.95 every 4 weeks until you cancel.