Intimacy styles
Intimacy is more than physical closeness. It also covers trust, being known, romance, honest conversation and shared adventure. MindScale's five intimacy styles describe which of those ways of building closeness matters most to someone.
Most people value all five to some degree, and partners often differ in which ones matter most. That's common, and no style is better than another. The test and this guide are non-explicit.
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Emotional closeness
Feeling close through trust, sharing your inner world and being truly known.
- Toward the high end
- For people here, emotional closeness is the heart of intimacy. Feeling truly known by a partner draws them in.
- Around the middle
- Emotional closeness matters to people here, alongside other ways of feeling connected.
- Toward the low end
- Deep emotional sharing is not the main way people here feel close to a partner.
Physical affection
Feeling close through touch: cuddling, holding hands and simply being near each other.
- Toward the high end
- Touch and nearness matter a lot to people here. Cuddling or holding hands keeps them feeling connected.
- Around the middle
- Physical affection matters to people here, alongside other ways of feeling connected.
- Toward the low end
- Physical affection is not the main way people here build closeness with a partner.
Romance and gestures
Feeling close through romantic gestures, surprises and making each other feel special.
- Toward the high end
- Romance matters a lot to people here. Planned dates, surprises and little gestures keep the spark alive for them.
- Around the middle
- Romantic gestures mean something to people here, alongside other ways of feeling connected.
- Toward the low end
- Big romantic gestures are not what makes people here feel most connected.
Open talk
Feeling close by talking openly about needs, wishes and what you each enjoy.
- Toward the high end
- Open talk matters a lot to people here. Being able to say what they want and need makes them feel close.
- Around the middle
- People here can talk about their needs when it matters, though not always easily.
- Toward the low end
- Talking openly about needs and wishes is not something people here lean on to feel close.
Novelty and adventure
Feeling close through new experiences together and keeping things fresh.
- Toward the high end
- Novelty matters a lot to people here. Trying new things together keeps a relationship exciting for them.
- Around the middle
- People here enjoy some new experiences together and also like a familiar rhythm.
- Toward the low end
- Novelty is not what keeps people here feeling close. A familiar rhythm suits them.
How scoring works
Each statement has five response choices. A response contributes from 1 to 5 points to the scale it belongs to, and the points become a position from 0 to 100. Around 0–33 is the low third, 34–66 is around the middle and 67–100 is the high third.
For the intimacy style result, the highest position is the closest match. A scale within 10 points of the highest can also appear as close behind, because a questionnaire cannot turn a mix of traits into one perfect box.
The benefits of knowing your intimacy style
Knowing your main style gives you words for what helps you feel close, which can make it easier to ask for. Knowing a partner's helps you offer closeness in the way they notice most.
It can also take the sting out of differences. A partner who wants more open talk, or more novelty, isn't saying something is wrong, just what helps them feel close.
Intimacy styles in everyday life
Each style has simple everyday versions: a real conversation at the end of the day, a hug before leaving, a planned surprise, a calm talk about what you each enjoy, or trying something new together.
Needs can change with stress, life stages and the length of a relationship, so it helps to check in with each other now and then.
How to take the test
MindScale's intimacy style test has 30 statements and no time limit. Choose the response that best matches how you usually are, not how you would like to be.
You can go back and change an answer. When you finish, you can unlock your score and full report: $2.95 for 7 days of full access, then $29.95 every 4 weeks until you cancel.
Your score and full report: $2.95 for 7 days of full access, then $29.95 every 4 weeks until you cancel.
Conclusion
The five intimacy styles are emotional closeness, physical affection, romance and gestures, open talk, and novelty and adventure. Most people value all five, with one or two that matter most.
If you'd like to find your main one, the MindScale intimacy style test has 30 non-explicit statements. It is for adults 18 and over, and the price is shown before you start.
See your own result
Your score and full report: $2.95 for 7 days of full access, then $29.95 every 4 weeks until you cancel.